Why I hate Phonebank

On Friday 11th May, I telephoned Phonebank for two reasons. Firstly, to check on the status of the new cards, and secondly to query bank charges that had been applied because of the mess with my husband's late pay. I explained briefly what had happened, and said that I was concerned because the cards had been ordered on May 5th and I hadn't heard anything. I said that as a result, I hadn't had access to my bank account for over a week.

He asked me the expected security questions, one of which was "what is a recent transaction on your account?"

"I don't know" I said, "I haven't had access to my account for a week."

"Any transaction will do, such as a debit card payment or direct debit..."

This repeated a couple of times. "Look" I said, "I have my most recent statement here, there was a direct debit..."

"No" he said, "It has to be something more recent, from this month"

I really don't know how many times I said "I've not had access to my account for a week" but I eventually asked "is there nothing else you can ask me?" He seemed interested only in that one question. Only when I asked to speak to a supervisor did he ask "what branch was the account opened at?"

He told me that my debit card had been ordered on May 5th, and I should get it within seven days. I said "thank you" and he replied "thank you for calling Abbey" - without bothering to find out if there was anything else I wanted. He seemed to be in a hurry, and although I know call centre operators have call targets, speed shouldn't be the only consideration.

When I explained about the bank charges (total of £145) and asked if they could waive them in light of it a) not being our fault and b) not having had any problems with the account for ages, he told me he could only take off £50. I said that because of my husband's pay problems, we still couldn't afford that, but his response was simply to tell me to contact the complaints department. He asked if I wanted their phone number, I said "no thank you - I already have a complaints leaflet with all that information on it." He went quiet for a second then said "would you like the number?" as if he hadn't even undestood me.

As he could not remove more than £50 worth of charges, and was not able to indicate whether the complaints department would be able to help in time (as the charges were due to come off the account on May 20th) I asked if he would confirm whether these charges coming off would not result in any further charges, as I was fairly certain that there would not be the funds to cover them. The man merely said "is there anything else I can help you with?"

At this point in the conversation, I had lost confidence in anything he said. The call was so ridiculously and obviously scripted that I half expected him to say "computer says no" like the character on "Little Britain".

I know a lot of people complain about foreign call centres. The problems are numerous - communication being the obvious one - but I feel sometimes that the massive cultural difference has an effect too. This guy was convinced that I could magic money out of nowhere to cover these bank charges, despite having my full current account and savings account details in front of him. Looking back, I'm not even sure he understood what I was saying, and subsequent conversations with Phonebank have convinced me that the call taker must have scripts for everything. If what the customer is saying doesn't fit the script, they pick the nearest thing. (Please, if I'm wrong, or if anyone can enlighten me as to how it works, let me know.)

The call ended, and I decided to draft a complaint about events so far.